I am not a big treat feeder.
Every time I do break down and bring out a bunch of apples to the herd it ends in disaster.
Cutter pounces on Kaylaa, Kaylaa runs after Kerrie, Sunny chases Shana. Each of them fighting for the juiciest, largest piece.

I do give each horse a treat at night. Around 9/9:30pm I put out the night feed and drop a treat on their hay. In Germany we call that a Betthupferl. A Betthupferl is a piece of chocolate you will usually find on your pillow at any decent Geman B&B.

A recent interaction at the Mindful Connections workshops at Blue Star Horse Sanctuary brought the subject “to treat or not to treat” back into my mind.

While I was talking with some of the workshop participants about the dedication it takes to support a horse with a broken or blemished spirit, one participant, Karen, had gotten up to visit with one of the resident horses. The horse she decided to hang out with was Buford, an 18 year old Appaloosa gelding that had come to the Blue Star a few months earlier.

Later, via Facebook, Karen shared the following about her interaction with Buford.  “I attended this session and it was just amazing. During the last 20 minutes or so of the Mindful Connection session I had to get up and move my frozen feet and toes. I was leaning on the stable door Buford was in. Buford usually ignores me unless I have treats. I've tried before to pet, scratch him or give him a kiss and he pulls away.
So today I followed Nicole's suggestions on communication and making a connection with a horse, I just stood there; after about 10 minutes Buford came over to me and sniffed my camera, jacket, head, and gloves, and then nuzzled me. I just stood there gently talking to him and standing still, no touching.

Then I did something else I would have never thought of doing before this session: I asked him if I could give him a kiss. He moved his head closer to me and I gently gave him a kiss, and he stayed there with me. As I said earlier, Buford has never paid me any mind and was only interested if I had treats. Today when I let him lead the way I was rewarded with a small, short connection to him that I'll have as long as I live.”

When I read Karen’s recount of her experience I immediately thought … he liked her for the treats because he only knew her through her treats. When Karen offered him something else, her presence, Buford actually got to know her. 
In short, a treat lasts until it is chewed up, a moment of connection can last a lifetime.

We can only connect if we bring ourselves. That’s true for any relationship.
I agree with Oprah, in the last O Magazine she said that each of us has an essence, a quality at the very core of our being that makes us who we are. It’s what sets us apart from everyone else. She goes on to say that expressing that essence is one of the greatest joys in life.

My sense is …sometimes we are not sure if our essence is enough. Buford, showed that it is not only enough, but it is essential.
When we bring forth that unique part of us others can feel us, can connect to us.
What fallacy to think the horse will like us for the treats we bring. The horse likes the treat, not us.
Yet when we bring our self … the horse can reach out and into us.